Bryony Cole, host, Future of Sex

On your site, you write that “technology is forming its own middle space in sexuality.” Can you explain what that means?

If you think about the act of sex, we have at one end of the spectrum physical sex with someone else. At the other end of the spectrum is solo acts. In between this, what’s emerging is a range of various interactive sexual experiences that technology has facilitated. Originally we had the screen, but now we have added components. The interactive video, or teledildonics, for example. The long-distance sex toys that are controlled over Bluetooth connection, and you pass that control to someone else.

We’ve never had that interactivity before when we’re by ourselves, because someone always stays behind the screen. Suddenly we’re moving towards this space at the other end of the spectrum, where we are having an interaction with someone else. Immersive VR is another example of that. If you are interacting with someone and they’re controlling parts of your pleasure, what’s happening? Are we blurring the lines between ourselves and others? That is where technology comes into that middle space, and that space is really up for negotiation. Is this cheating? Is this actually a relationship if it’s just in a virtual world? All of that will come out of this middle space.

Does something like Tinder fit into that space?

What we are seeing now is the dating apps connected to vibrators or teledildonics. That, to me, is a middle space, and I think we will see a lot more of it. People are no more than just a screen away. If you look at sites like Cam Soda, they’re using things like teledildonics to create a really intimate show that now you feel. It’s like that other sense beyond sex. You are actually feeling that person, even though they’re not in the room with you. It’s so intimate. An intimate experience is usually reserved for a partner or lover, but now you can have it with anyone.

An area of focus for you is bringing more women into the realm of sex tech. Why is the sex tech industry at large shifting to be more female-focused?

It’s a mark of the culture we are in. Women are starting to understand themselves and their bodies a lot more, thanks in part to the internet, which has become a safe space to talk about these things. It’s enabled women to go out and say “Hey, I can create this.” Cindy Gallop [of MakeLoveNotPorn] has been a pioneer in breaking down those boundaries. Creating a language around femtech and “vagina-nomics” really helped to make this a bigger focus.

You see that as well in the unapologetic tone of marketing towards health and pioneering brands like Thinx and Clue, the fertility app. Just taking the shame out of female menstruation and sexuality has really changed the focus. This extended to sex tech brands, and now you see brands like Unbound Box or Dame Products, who take a very feminist approach in their content and their approach to marketing.

Underneath all of that is this great stuff around how this has actually changed the technology. From the way it looks, where if you set it on a coffee table it looks amazing, or the Crave necklaces where you’re wearing a vibrator on your neck but somehow that’s acceptable because it looks funky and cool, to the actual thoughtful design process and consulting a lot of women before making this.

Perhaps it’s more about having permission to explore theses things. And there are more women who are more vocal, there’s more Cindy Gallops and Esther Perels. There’s the younger [Unbound Box founder] Polly Rodriguez, and [Dame Products founders] Janet Lieberman and Alex Fine coming up the ranks the more acceptable it becomes. And then the language that you guys are putting together also really helps.